you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
