You just made me feel so damn special
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
