some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
