If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
