Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Jerry, you need to find god
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
