I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
try to milk me bitch
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