great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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