Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
