Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
