Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
