Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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