Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
