So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
