Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
