My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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