i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
