he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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