I just cut my nipple shaving
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
