you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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