I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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