So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
