And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
