We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Randomize
