I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
