The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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