I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is it penis luge time yet?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
