Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
