So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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