Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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