Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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