The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
