Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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