i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
