There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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