I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
