It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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