I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
