Just cropdusted the office
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
