I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
