Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
