Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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