she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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