I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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