Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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