some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
