i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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