I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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