Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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