Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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