so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
