why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
