I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize