waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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