oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
