someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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