Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
