I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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