just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
