so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
