im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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