I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
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Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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