Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
