I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
