So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
