how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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