I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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