I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
