Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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