you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
