go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
